I worry. A LOT. Probably more than the average person. Definitely more than I should.
For some reason over the last year I've been worried about my heart. Even had several tests to prove I'm ok.
People saying "Just let it go" or "You'll be ok" are just words. Words that make me angry sometimes even though I know they're trying to be nice.
Last month. I was overcome. Every day. All day. I got so sick of worrying, I began to cry at night and beg God to take the worry away. But, it was always back. Nothing helped.
Monday I went to my doctor. I talked to her about it and between us we decided anti depressants were in order. I have taken them on and off. But not some before I got pregnant.
Just taking that little round blue pill today gave me relief. I'm not saying that the worry is completely gone, but I do think I'm on the road to peace.
What I learned over the last month is that no one truly understands panic attacks and consuming worry until you're in it. And even then, they can't really help.
I also learned we have GOT to let go of this stigma on anti depressants and anxiety meds. Just because you need them doesn't mean you're crazy. I mean, I AM crazy, but you aren't.
But, above all I realized I NEVER want to feel like that again. I really hope this is my road to peace, and that things go back to my normal crazy.