When my son first came into my life, I knew, in my heart, that we
probably weren't going to have normal. Someone will say, 'How could you know?'
Well, it's pretty simple. I've never had
normal. And, as much as I *LONG* to give my child the most normal life
possible, I just knew that we were probably going to have a huge uphill battle.
I don't think I realized, back then, just
what kind of battle I really was going to have.
Now, let me say before I even get into
this---I am so, so very grateful that my son can walk, can think for himself,
can learn things, and by gosh, this kid is SMART. I'm grateful for all of that,
because we all know it could be worse.
My journey with my son started about a
year ago. We began testing for hearing, and at that time, I was very rudely
told that my son needed to be talking, and something was wrong. Maybe it was
what I needed to hear, because from there, we started with Early Intervention.
They've been coming since November, and they have truly opened up the
floodgates. If you have ANY concerns about your child, please, please get them
into EI. There is no financial requirement. It's a free service through the
state. You can make tons of money, or no money. Just please call.
I took him for his two year checkup to his
local doctor here. She walked into the room, and immediately said ''He's a
normal two year old, you're just going through the terrible twos.'' Then, ten
minutes later ''This child needs to be EXAMINED. You need to have him looked at
ASAP. ''
If you think I didn't walk out of that
office crying, you're crazy. And if you think I'm ever going back?? Not even
for emergency care. I'll drive an hour, or go to the emergency room.
At that point, I'd already had him set up
to be examined at the Development Center in Mobile. That day, we scheduled at
noon, thinking that by the time we got there, he would be ready to play. And,
for the most part he was. Until she started sticking things in his face. Then,
just like last time, he freaked out, started screaming, and started
''flatlining'' as I call it. He lays on the floor and just goes limp. While
he's screaming his little head off.
So, I'm sure that didn't go well. We were
supposed to come back in a month for the Autism test, and we did. He basically
acted like he does around new people--throwing things, not really interested in
anything, except her bubbles when she started blowing them. I, once again, had
to carry a screaming child out of that office.
I'm telling you all this to tell you that
I NEVER go to a doctors' appointment (even mine) with him without a freak out.
I am not sure if it's what is going on with him (autism, etc) or if it's just
that we have hours long appointments. Maybe, hopefully, all this changes
later.
My normal is this. Freak-outs at every doctor
appointment, freak-outs in the grocery store, freak-outs almost anywhere.
They're my normal, but they're not normal for this society. I cannot tell you
how many times I get ''the look''--moms, y'all know what I'm talking
about---''You can't contain your CHILD??' What is WRONG with you??''
Someone posted a post the other day that
referred to first time moms suddenly becoming experts. Well, let me tell you, I
AM an expert with my child. And, for the most part, I can control with him, but
there are times, I just cannot. Nothing I do, you do, or God coming down from
above, is going to change anything.
As I type this, I can hear banging sounds
coming from his bedroom. He ''rocks'' on his couch. The couch I'm about to
throw away. This is another form of stimulation for him, I'm not sure what or
why, but you know what? It's ok. If that's what makes my child feel better
about his environment, go for it, son. I hate I've got to pitch the couch, but
springs are coming out of the back and he's destroyed my window casings and
other furniture.
My son is, and will always be different. I
think I knew this way before I had kids, that my children would be different.
Now, I don't want him to be a robot, or a cookie cutter, but my biggest fear
for my child is that he isn't going to have a normal childhood/teenage
years/adulthood. That he won't get to go on playdates, that he won't get to go
on field trips, that he won't get to go to dances, proms, etc. That he won't
get to date. That he won't get married or have kids. These are the fears I have
at night, even in the daylight hours. But mostly, when he's sleeping and the
house is quiet.
I wrote all of this to tell you, as you're
reading it, first and foremost if your child is 'behind', please get Early
Intervention involved, at the very least. Please, please DO NOT WAIT. My
doctor didn't recommend this, I did it without her recommendation.
I also wrote this to tell you that I
sometimes long for your normal. For your child who goes to sleep in their own
bed, who pottys on the potty. The child who colors normally, without throwing
them, eating them, or rolling them. The child who plays quietly, or nicely. The
one who likes other children. The kid who eats with a fork. Your child who
gives hugs when asked. The child who, isn't constantly screaming for something
24/7 because they're non-verbal. The child who doesn't constantly throw
things.
Yes, I'm grateful for my beautiful, baby
boy. But somedays---oh, there are days, that I just want normal.
